What Self-Trust Really Means and Why You Need It
You have tons of skills but second-guess yourself at crucial moments. Why this happens & how to work through it for peaceful, grounded self-trust that supports you when you need it most.
Rachel came to our coaching session feeling frustrated. "I spent three hours asking everyone's opinion about a decision I already knew the answer to," she told me. As a talented senior leader with 15 years of experience, Rachel knows her stuff. But she'd noticed a troubling pattern.
"I'll be about to present a strategy I've spent weeks, maybe months developing, and suddenly I'm second-guessing everything," she explained. "Instead of trusting myself, I'm seeking input from everyone around me."
Rachel realized this endless opinion-seeking was holding her back and hurting her confidence. "I want to trust my own judgement and make decisions without overthinking," she told me as we worked together on setting goals for coaching.
If Rachel's story sounds familiar, you're not alone!
In this week’s episode of the 10 Minute Shift, I've been exploring why this happens to brilliant, capable people. Why do we outsource our judgement to everyone around us instead of trusting the wisdom we've already built? And how does this impact our sense of self-belief or confidence in ourselves? What can be done?
It’s easy to say "just trust yourself", but what does that actually mean? How do you trust yourself? What is self-trust, really?
Here's how I define it: Self-trust is credibility with yourself. It's being honest with yourself and others about who you really are - your true & authentic self. It's being clear about how you show up in the world and whether that matches who you want to be, aligned and rooted in your unique set of values.
From a coaching psychology perspective, this happens because we've been conditioned to equate external validation with safety. Our brains are wired to seek belonging and avoid rejection, so we unconsciously treat our own judgement as risky.
We'd rather be "wrong" with the crowd than "right" alone.
But this pattern keeps us disconnected from our own inner wisdom and erodes the very confidence we're trying to protect!
Here's Why This Matters
Self-trust is critical for self-advocacy. If you're asking for a promotion, making a big life decision, or taking on any type of new challenge - a new job, whatever it might be - if you can't trust yourself to handle it, you'll hesitate. Your decision-making will be impacted, and it also won't feel great.
Self-trust the outcome of the six previous elements in my self-belief framework:
Self (knowing who you are, your values, your strengths),
Skill (how you learn and practice with a growth mindset),
Energy (what energizes and drains you),
Adapt (your ability to pivot, be resourceful and resilient),
Hope (your ability to dream and imagine what's possible), and
Proof (the evidence of your wins).
I cover these in previous episodes of the 10 Minute Shift if you’d like to catch up.
Self-trust brings all of these together to help you remember who you are when you're challenged, your skills when facing something new, how you're adaptable when things change, and remembering your wins when self-doubt creeps in.
This connects to the bigger picture because:
when you trust yourself completely, you know you can take risks. You know you'll be okay no matter what. You trust in your ability to change, to hope, to imagine, to dream, and to handle whatever comes.
Listen to the full episode now
Practical Application
Two ways I think about building self-trust that can help:
1. Clarity - Know Who You Are at the Core (With Integrity) You can't trust yourself if you don't know yourself. When you trust yourself, you're clear on your values, your strengths, and also what holds you back - your development areas and where you might trip up. This is about knowing who you are authentically, unmasked. But it's also about integrity - being honest about how you're showing up. Are you undermining yourself? Are you being who you want to be in the world? Do your actions match your values? Are you being authentic or performing? I have included a link to my free values assessment below if you’d like to explore this more.
2. Commitment - Keep Promises to Yourself (Through Action and Risk-Taking) This might be the most important one. You keep promises to yourself because your self-trust will wobble when you constantly break commitments to yourself. Even small ones like "I'll go to the gym today." What you're trying to do is prove to yourself that you're a person that can be trusted.
If you're constantly breaking commitments you've made to yourself, it's very hard to trust yourself. But if you know what you want and you follow through - even if it's hard, even if you don't want to - you start to prove that you're a person who commits to yourself. This includes taking action on what matters and being willing to take risks because you trust yourself to handle the outcome.
Here’s a Practice That Can Help:
Pick a small promise that you make to yourself every day, and keep it every day. And when you're facing a decision or challenging moment, pause and ask yourself: "Who do I want to be in this moment?" This simple question will connect you to your values and bring clarity on how you want to show up in the world. That might be all you need to remember who you are and strengthen your self-trust.
Additional reflective questions to deepen the practice:
What would I do if I trusted myself completely in this situation?
How do I want to feel about this decision tomorrow?
What would the version of me who trusts herself do right now?
If I were advising my best friend in this exact situation, what would I say?
What small step can I take that aligns with who I want to be?
What Happens When You Trust Yourself?
Decision-making without endless validation: You trust your own judgment even if you don't have all the information or it's not perfect. You can make decisions without constantly sourcing other people's opinions or doing endless research.
Confident risk-taking: You trust yourself to take on challenges because you know you'll handle the outcome no matter what. It's not recklessness - it's confidence in your ability to adapt, learn, and pivot if necessary.
Authentic self-advocacy: You show up as yourself, not who you think people want you to be. You trust that being authentic is better than being perfect. You speak up for yourself, trust your worth, and ask for what you want because you trust that you deserve it.
Resilient setback recovery: When things go wrong, you can handle the setbacks without spiraling into self-doubt. You trust yourself to figure it out, learn from it, and move forward. Failure becomes just information, not an absolute statement about you.
Self-trust isn't another capacity or lever or tool like the other elements in my framework. It's actually bringing all of these together in a circle and remembering all of this when you need it - remembering who you are when you're challenged, remembering your skills when you're facing something new, remembering that you're adaptable when something changes, remembering your wins when self-doubt starts to creep in.
Ready to dive deeper into building self-trust?
Take my free Core Values Assessment - Understanding your values is the foundation of clarity and self-trust. Take it for free here.
Listen to the full episode on The 10-Minute Shift Podcast where I break down exactly how to build credibility with yourself.
Connect with me on Instagram @HeyCoachAmy for daily coaching psychology insights & stories
You already have everything you need. Self-trust is just about learning to access it when you need it most.
