Reframing The Stories That Make You Doubt Yourself
Discover how to catch yourself in limiting assumptions, question automatic thoughts, and develop deeper confidence by reframing the stories that make you doubt yourself.
I'm in the middle of creating a new course on confidence in sales, and yesterday my perfectionism was having a field day. Every time I tried to record a module, my mind would spiral: "If I can't nail every single word perfectly, this whole course won't work. People will think I'm incompetent. One mistake will ruin everything." 😩
Three cognitive errors in about thirty seconds - catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, and mind reading. A record! (I explain these below)
But here's what I've learned over many years of coaching:
we are not our thoughts. We are the awareness that observes our thoughts.
So we can catch these sneaky little limiting stories that make us feel stuck, and we can reframe them. And by doing this, we strengthen our confidence, self-concept and belief about ourselves and our capability.
I explore how we can reframe the stories we tell ourselves in my latest episode of the 10 Minute Shift - catch the episode here. It’s part of a larger series on moving from self-doubt to stronger self-belief so if this resonates, you can check out the other episodes here.
The Hidden Cognitive Errors Sabotaging Your Confidence
Psychologist Albert Ellis identified around 12 common thinking errors that we all fall into. Here are the top five that I think directly impact confidence:
All-or-nothing thinking: Either I'm perfect or I'm a failure - no middle ground allowed.
Catastrophizing: This one mistake will ruin everything. (My personal favourite.)
Mind reading: Assuming others think I'm incompetent based on zero evidence.
Fortune telling: Predicting the future with certainty "I know this won't work out."
Personalization: Taking responsibility for things completely outside our control. (Main character vibes)
The fascinating part is that you can cycle through all of these in a single situation. Imagine stumbling over your words during a presentation and then immediately having a series of these thoughts: "I'm such a failure (all-or-nothing), I'm going to get fired (catastrophizing), everyone thinks I'm incompetent (mind reading), this will never get better (fortune telling), and it's all my fault (personalization)."
Sound familiar? Been there!
The ABCDE Model: Your Toolkit
When I catch myself in these mental traps, or even if I just feel stuck and frustrated, I use a framework from cognitive behavioural therapy called the ABCDE model:
A - Activating Event: What actually happened? Just the objective facts. (I stumbled over a word in my recording.)
B - Beliefs: What story is my mind telling me? (This course will be useless if it's not perfect.)
C - Consequences: How is this belief affecting me? (I want to quit and not finish the course.)
D - Disputation: Time to question the story. Is this belief helpful? What evidence do I have that one imperfect word ruins an entire course? Would I teach this belief to others?
E - Energizing New Beliefs: What's a more workable story that serves me? (I'm sharing my creativity and experience to help others build confidence. My values are service and helping people grow.)
Helpful Questions
When you catch yourself in a limiting story, you can also try these "switcher" questions:
Am I swept up in a limiting story here?
Is this the only way I can look at this situation?
What can I learn from this?
Would I teach this belief to someone I care about?
That last question is my secret weapon. I would never tell my son that making one mistake means his entire project is worthless - so I’m not going to tell myself that either.
What This Practice Does
When you do this work consistently, you develop what psychologists call "psychological flexibility" - the ability to stay present while choosing actions that align with your values, even when your mind is offering unhelpful stories.
The goal is to hold your thoughts lightly and choose which ones to engage with. Doubt and negative thoughts are natural - the power comes from developing choice about how much attention to give them.
Think of it as developing emotional agility. Instead of being at the mercy of every mental fluctuation, you become the author of your own narrative rather than someone trapped within it.
The Space That Strengthens Your Confidence
Here's what happens when you practice this consistently: you move from "I am anxious" to "I'm noticing anxiety." From "I'm not good enough" to "I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough."
That simple shift creates space between you and your thoughts, and this space is where choice lives.
Your self-concept (how you see yourself) becomes more flexible and resilient. When you know you can handle whatever thoughts or emotions arise, when you trust yourself to question and reframe limiting stories, you develop a deep sense of grounded confidence that isn't dependent on external circumstances.
Your Practice This Week
When you notice you're feeling stuck or using rigid language like "should" or "must," pause and ask: "Am I in the middle of a limiting story?" (This type of language is a great clue that you might be in the middle of a thinking/cognitive error)
Then try the ABCDE model or just ask: "Is there another way to look at this that might serve me better?"
Notice what this does to your confidence. Notice what it does to your sense of possibility.
This is the master key to rewriting your internal narrative. You are not your thoughts - you are the powerful awareness behind them. And that makes you far more capable and powerful than any limiting story could ever suggest. Check out the full 10 minute episode here.
Ready to learn more about yourself? Check out my free values assessment - it's the foundation of everything we've discussed about self-belief, and it's a fun little quiz that will give you clarity on what truly drives you.
