Why We Crave External Validation and How to Let It Go
Why external validation feels so good - and what to do when it starts running your life. A 10-minute shift in how you see yourself.
This week’s 10-Minute Shift is for anyone who’s ever caught themselves thinking: “Do they like me?”, “Was that okay?”, “Did I do enough?”
Spoiler: that’s most of us.
I’m talking about external validation - why it feels so annoyingly good, why we chase it (even when we know better), and how to start stepping off the treadmill without turning into a cold, disconnected robot who doesn’t care what anyone thinks. (Because, spoiler again: we all care. We’re human.)
Here’s the thing: it’s natural to want to be liked. To feel chosen. To belong. That rush of being praised or included? Delicious. Addictive. Evolutionarily normal. It meant survival. But when our sense of worth starts hinging on that praise - when we mold ourselves into shapes we don’t recognize just to keep it coming - that’s when it gets dangerous.
And exhausting. Like, burn-you-out-from-the-inside exhausting.
I’ve absolutely been there. The overthinking. The people pleasing. The weird moment where you realize you’ve spent a week trying to get someone to like you, but you’re not even sure you like them.
That’s the shift right there.
Instead of asking:
→ Do they like me?
Try asking:
→ Do I like them?
→ Does this feel good to me?
→ Am I being myself right now?
It’s subtle. But it’s also everything.
I talk in this episode about how chasing validation can disconnect us from ourselves, and how reclaiming that connection starts with awareness, boundaries, and tiny acts of self-trust. Saying no when you mean no. Giving yourself time to think before answering. Setting boundaries even when it’s uncomfortable. Noticing the moment you slip into performance mode and choosing, gently, to come back to yourself.
One of my favourite reminders from the episode is this:
You don’t have to prove yourself. You don’t have to earn anything. You are already enough, just as you are.
It’s the kind of thing that sounds obvious but hits different when you’re deep in the loop of seeking approval. So if you’re feeling tangled up in how you’re perceived or exhausted from trying to be “enough,” this episode is a soft nudge back to yourself.
And if it resonates, I’d love for you to share it with someone else who might need the reminder. Or rate the podcast so more people can find it. Every little ripple matters.
With love and zero gold stars,
Amy
